| ok |
[Jul. 20th, 2008|01:39 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bouncy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Trance | ] |
so i passed my asvab with an 87! yippie, now im waitin for my prescreen to go through and then the offical in person process begins. In the mean time, im working my ass off, remembering to breath when i remember and living one day at a time. Not bad ..
Hot as all hell here in hawaii but beautiful as heaven on earth which it is:) |
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| Inspiring Lyrics |
[Jul. 10th, 2008|08:08 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Lifehouse | ] |
"Could you let down your hair
And be transparent for a while
Just a little while
See if you're human after all
Honesty is a hard attribute to find
When we all want to seem like we've got it all figured out
but let me be the first to say that I don't have a clue
I don't have all the answers
but god I pretend like I do just
Trying to find my way
Trying to find my way the best that I know how
Well I haven't memorized all the cute things to say
But I'm working on it
Maybe I'll master this art form today
if I quote all the lines off the top of my head
would you believe that I fully understand all of these things,
I've been, I'm just tryin to find my
Trying to find my way
Trying to find my way the best that I know how
Well I haven't got it all figured out quite yet
But even if it takes my whole life
To get to where I need to be
And if I should fall to the bottom of the end
I'll be one step back to you
and trying to find my way
Trying to find my way
Oh, I'm trying to find my way
Trying to find my way "
By Lifehouse
So heres some inspirational lyrics that help me through sometimes when i need it
If you get the chance to hear or know the song or the band, i think you'll understand... |
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| Just wanted it to be simple |
[Jul. 1st, 2008|07:45 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Oleander | ] |
OK so the cats outta the bag, ive been working on a dream of mine which is to be a member of the USCG and ive been studying this whole last month for the ASVAB test i have tomorrow. Im still taking the test but now my process has been delayed due to my criminal background meaning i still have unresolved issues to deal with. These unresolved issues came about out of my own ignorance and with the help of my ex making my situation worse, now dosent help me make it any better.
First off i got Hep C from my ex who also held my hand urging me on to do the bad deeds i did and left me with the brunt of the deal..so now i have to deal with the consequences..like my health which isnt bad but requires waivers to be accepted into USCG and then criminal issues that im in the process of rectifing and will also need a waiver for..
I was thinking that the criminal past was past but it has caught up with me and has made what i thought would be a easy , quick process even slower but ,im stuck on that and need to just remember to live one day at a time and remember if i do it right ..i still have a chance at making my dream possible, which is to go into the USCG to save lives on the coast of this beautiful world ( Avaiation Survival Tech)
My justification for my odd feelings is that its just stressfull and honestly i get scared that my dirty laundary will keep me from this ..but i want to believe so much that i wont...
I just want to break down and sometimes and get shit faced drunk but then i remember why im doing and how my own memories of my fucked up bio family that gives me a predispotion to acoholism makes me feel/
Im not weak im just overwhemled and keep losing my breath and feel like im going under. God im such an emotional person and a typical scorpio..
how do i use this for the good strength i need and rise to another day without worry but true deep knowing that pain is only weakness leaving the body and i will make this happen too and my dream will manifest...
It has never been so simple for me i feel and i dont want to cave in but sometimes i do..and then come out of it..like night unto day
Fightin myself to get over it so i can fight for whats right and fight the good fight! |
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| Looking ahead |
[Jun. 13th, 2008|07:41 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | anxious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Switchfoot - This is your life | ] |
Ive gotten so far but i see so much further that im going to go.
I know that whatever i set my mind to i can and will achieve.
I have grand plans for my future and will go to any lengths to make it happen even if its giving up my free will to be secure and taken care of.
I never thought id be going through what i am right now but then again i wanted this so i accept it openly and look forward to the future even though it is inchoate.
I will come out of this i know a much stronger person but a different man than i am now.
I will be proud and will smile in the end... |
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| Dissapointed |
[May. 21st, 2008|11:18 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  irritated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Numb -linkin park | ] |
Am i doomed to be alone? Sometimes it feels like that.
After a night where it felt that was about to change , i had to know the truth about the circumstances. Better i feel to know the truth than being oblivious but the pain that comes from truth does hurt.
What i found out was that i was being lied to and i couldnt enter into anything close with this person i speak of because of their involvment with heavy drugs.
Ive been there before and in the end it usually isnt good.
But when he and i were together and i didnt know the whole story I had not a problem with the person and felt they meant what they said me just as i did to them .
I have a hard time with trust now but i dont want to end up jaded assuming the worst of those i meet.
I just wanted to meet someone who was honest, around my age , and to summ it up had beauty on the inside that matched the outside.
But i was failed by my own standards when i found out the truth .
Ignorance is bliss?
When it is already so difficult to find something good and according to my standards , and then i get so close to having it , the other person has to be doing drugs and denying it to me.
It sucks to know that once again in my life drugs has stopped something good from happening....
fucking sucks, why cant people just be real and no do meth and coke?
And the worst part about it is that its not about the person but what decisions they've made... |
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| Its all coming together |
[May. 15th, 2008|11:32 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | bouncy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Dj kona buzz | ] |
Piece by Piece
Day to night
Night to day
Building with centripal force
Moving through unset goals
Blooming like puakekinikini
Petals reflect the sweetness
of obtainness through its intoxicating frangrance.
Like a speed racer i go
whizing past within a blink of an eye
Moving ever closer to the day when i die.
No fear is there just happiness to be here, now.... |
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| Happy Shiny People |
[May. 12th, 2008|02:29 pm] |
Time is relative .
Spending time on is worth for in your life
Relaxing and playing along the way
is the best way to enjoy the day! |
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| Maximus |
[May. 5th, 2008|10:06 pm] |
 |
Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0
created with QuizFarm.com |
| You scored as Maximus After his family was murdered by the evil emperor Commodus, the great Roman general Maximus went into hiding to avoid Commodus's assassins. He became a gladiator, hoping to dominate the colosseum in order to one day get the chance of killing Commodus. Maximus is valiant, courageous, and dedicated. He wants nothing more than the chance to avenge his family, but his temper often gets the better of him.
Maximus |
| 83% | William Wallace |
| 79% | Lara Croft |
| 75% | Captain Jack Sparrow |
| 71% | El Zorro |
| 71% | Indiana Jones |
| 67% | James Bond, Agent 007 |
| 67% | Neo, the "One" |
| 63% | Batman, the Dark Knight |
| 54% | The Terminator |
| 33% | The Amazing Spider-Man |
| 33% |
|
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| Rants of this day in age |
[May. 5th, 2008|09:49 pm] |
Coming into age where people expect more of you
why do they expect more? Am I not doing what i need?
Or is it sheer and utter faith that with youth comes age and a knowing that if you grab on to your dreams while youre young you have a better chance of securing that which maybe be important for you for the future.
I keep pushing and pushing myself further and more.All the while it seems like theres so much more to push to get somewhere.
Then there are the times in between the pushing where the enjoyment period sets in.. when theres so much more to be done though its a bit rough for me to settle down and just let it be. To make myself happy with the pushing to achieve that im doing is my goal, as easy as it seems im finding it difficult.. |
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| Alone here |
[May. 4th, 2008|10:57 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Dj Konabuzz | ] |
Here i get to be alone...no one reads my thoughts
thats why i hardly ever write any where else..
Time has flown by for me , looking back on some of my older rants i see a misdirection that i didnt see coming
but in the end the funny thing is the misdirection was exactly where I needed to be.
I can never take back the things that ive done
things that no longer hurt but the scars still linger
like hep c.
I reluctant to do anything about it, i havent exactly figured out why yet either.
Yeah i care for myself but did care for myself back then?
Why i keep asking ...but in the answer dosent either come to me or does it even matter..?
Im am where i am now because of those hard times that i was put through ,as well as those times i put myself through...
All of it was endured for a better life and i have it...
ok maybe i was in denial about it not hurting...
what xactly it is that hurts the most i dont know,
the broken apart times that i reluctanly gave myself up to drugs, and entrusted my image of love pour into it my heart energy and given to another..
Missing some of my once closest friends,
wishing i could of said i want to say now..
Not knowing if i could ever have a close relationship with another person ...or if i want to for that matter.
When it comes down to it though some times i know i just want to get shit faced drunk. Trusting myself to know i never end up like my bio father, but instead remember where i came from and draw my power back from it aka strength... |
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| ahhh |
[May. 17th, 2007|10:15 am] |
im am so gratful for my family, my love, my coven, my friends, and my life
may finiacial prosperity rain down on all of you and
may radiant love flow from your heart centres with full compassion
You are The Lovers
Motive, power, and action, arising from Inspiration and Impulse.
The Lovers represents intuition and inspiration. Very often a choice needs to be made.
Originally, this card was called just LOVE. And that's actually more apt than "Lovers." Love follows in this sequence of growth and maturity. And, coming after the Emperor, who is about control, it is a radical change in perspective. LOVE is a force that makes you choose and decide for reasons you often can't understand; it makes you surrender control to a higher power. And that is what this card is all about. Finding something or someone who is so much a part of yourself, so perfectly attuned to you and you to them, that you cannot, dare not resist. This card indicates that the you have or will come across a person, career, challenge or thing that you will fall in love with. You will know instinctively that you must have this, even if it means diverging from your chosen path. No matter the difficulties, without it you will never be complete.
What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out. |
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| slow computers aghh! |
[Apr. 17th, 2007|02:25 pm] |
dealing with slow computers is so much fun!
cant you taste the sarcism in my voice?
anyways love giggles on this new moon |
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| synchronicity in the city by the bay |
[Apr. 14th, 2007|07:29 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  accomplished | ] |
| [ | music |
| | homemade music | ] |
when ever was there a time when the stars
have aligned as much as they have today?
where will the universe bring you today?
can you laugh and play with the rest of them
sing with your heart open to the sun?
Hell yeah!
Lets give gracious love to the moon and the patting feet and
giggles insued by the trinity of loves embrace in laughter |
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| lifes great |
[Apr. 3rd, 2007|09:36 am] |
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so finally i get a couple days off, its fantastic but im still busy, busy doing what I want. lol lifes great |
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| life spirals |
[Mar. 29th, 2007|05:31 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  artistic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | morracon music | ] |
Life spirals in and out of itself consistenly constant
I dance on the waves of the music
that brings delight and estsacy into the night
as well as the morning after when i arise to the sun.
I fully imersed myself in the psy trance music that was spun
at IL Pirata last night. my experience was amazing as i moved with every movement of the music. i breathed it in, balanced and felt the music rise through me and at some points shoot out my head or my feet
alternativly. I was dancing from 10pm to 2am and by the end of their sets i was cleansed by my magic and the magic of the djs.
this event is called synchorize and its held at IL Pirate on 16th and
Poteroe st at 2007 16th st , every wed. from 10 pm to 2am. The space is awe inspiring with a beautiful mermaid mistress guardian painting watching over the dance floor and holding space for the magic made within.
I also drew some cards at my departure and they were
1.Prince of swords
2. The Moon
3. The Fool
what an amazing set all the way around.
thats all for now
Peace and love |
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| looking for places |
[Mar. 24th, 2007|12:08 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | excited | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Free Bird | ] |
Im excited , tuesday i get my first big check from casablanca and wednesday i have off. Tuesday though i am going to lift off by getting my own room instead of surfing and sleeping in the park. Only 3 more days till lift off i say. the excitment is building and im going to keep on looking for a good room hopefully with a view and one thats affordable. id like to eventually get an apt or studio for my self . Oh the joys of SF and looking for a place to room. We will find out the story soon. |
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| game on |
[Mar. 21st, 2007|03:30 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | thievery corporartion | ] |
hello friends,
life goes as it should . I am moving onto another chapter as the wheel turns in my life. I am happy with my job at casablanca and the ways i am taking up again in my life which are responsiblity, happiness, dedication to myself and my health and my life. i wish everyone blessings and safe travels |
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| la te da life goes on ah la la la life goes on |
[Mar. 15th, 2007|02:56 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  awake | ] |
| [ | music |
| | nature | ] |
beautiful skys and stars cross my life
please goddess guide my ways back
top the days where i was simple, happy and free
by my love that is the fuel for life
so must it be |
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| Not dead |
[Dec. 14th, 2006|06:39 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cranky | ] |
| [ | music |
| | voices | ] |
not dead am i am.
aliving and kicking it as fast as i can
living above and beyond what
ive ever came up upon.
Constantly feeling like im being
watched but i am
not in any bad way but just to live for today.
Im in love but is love in with me?
Ill tell you but what will you tell me? |
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| Wandering Gypsy |
[Nov. 22nd, 2005|10:42 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | thoughtful | ] |
Well ive wandered myself to ohio with my lover and its
colder than where ive been the last few years.
The market is working in our advantage however and i continue to hold strong.
Just found out that my lover has hep c and i want to be there to support him and not be scared, its important to me.
So im breathing, its alright.
I love him, he loves me, we'll make it through
Karmas always got our backs.
sending love to my family on the west coast. |
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